Tips for Emotional Eating
Photo by Mieke Campbell (@miekelauren) via Unsplash
“I’m an emotional eater! How do I stop?”
I get asked this question a lot! I’ll be honest and say that emotional eating is complex, and that quick tips to “stop” have limited (if any) usefulness. In fact, I’d like to flip the script and question whether emotional eating is a problem at all. Does that blow your mind? Keep reading….
In this post, I’ll discuss:
The definition of emotional eating
Why emotional eating is a source of information rather than a problem to solve
My top 3 tips for getting curious about emotional eating
What is Emotional Eating?
There is a strong connection between emotions and eating. The relationship between food and feelings is…..complicated. There are many biological, social, and psychological factors to consider.
Reflection questions:
When your body is running low on fuel, how do you feel physically and emotionally?
What reasons do you eat outside of fueling your body?
What does “emotional eating” mean to you?
I asked you to consider what emotional eating means to you because it has many definitions. Here are a few examples of different types of emotional eating:
Emotional eating = eating food with emotion (e.g., having a piece of cake at a celebration)
Emotional eating = eating out of a emotional response (e.g., having your favorite “comfort food” after a long, stressful day at work)
Emotional eating = eating because it feels “good” or because it connects us with other people, things, experiences, memories, etc. (e.g., cooking your grandmother’s recipe for spaghetti & meatballs as a way of honoring her memory)
Emotional Eating is a Source of Information, Not a Problem to Solve
Sometimes emotional eating is labeled as “bad” or “shameful”, especially in diet culture. Who said that it’s wrong to eat with emotion, out of emotion, or because it feels good? What is the moral transgression that causes feelings of guilt and shame to arise? Would we honestly consider emotional eating a problem if it weren’t for our societal fatphobia and stigmatization of fat bodies?
I contend that emotional eating itself isn't a problem; it’s part of being a human that eats. Emotional eating is a source of information about a need that could use our attention. Emotional eating is a signal that an issue, a feeling, an emotional state, or an unmet need is present. Consider infants for a moment; breast milk or formula is offered as a source of comfort and safety almost immediately after birth. Food can absolutely be a coping skill for us at any age, providing us with a sense of comfort, connection, and safety. It’s a natural coping mechanism because it has a profound impact on how we feel. However; if food becomes the only coping skill we use, it can have a negative impact on our life (especially when we feel ashamed, physically uncomfortable, or “worse” after eating).
Let’s consider the following story….
Lisa* (she/her) is a 38 year-old married mother of three children ranging in age from 4 to 12 years. Lisa describes her life as “chaotic” and rarely has time to herself for leisure, let alone time for regular meals and snacks. She rises before anyone else in her family and goes to the gym at 5 am to “squeeze in a workout”. Her days are filled with childcare responsibilities, carpooling, meal preparation, caring for the family pets, chores, and errands. By the time her children are settled for the evening, Lisa feels “spent” and “numb”. She typically grabs a carton of ice cream, a spoon, and a bag of potato chips before heading upstairs to her bedroom because she needs to “zone out”. Lisa eats while watching Netflix “like a zombie”, barely registering the taste of the food. She generally feels overly full after eating and often has difficulty sleeping. Lisa feels frustrated by this pattern of emotional eating and wants to know how to “fix it.”
Approaching emotional eating as a source of information (rather than a problem), what can we glean from Lisa’s story? Here are few things to consider:
Lisa’s exhaustion and feeling of numbness is signaling that she has unmet needs. As a busy mother, Lisa rarely attends to her own needs throughout the day (including regular meals and snacks). She exercises in the morning and insufficiently fuels her body to meet her energy needs.
Lisa eats as a way to “zone out.” This is an example of eating out of an emotional state (the feeling of numbness secondary to exhaustion).
The underlying issue isn’t eating ice cream or chips; Lisa might be experiencing caregiving burnout and a lack of self-care. It makes a lot of sense that Lisa would turn to food as a source of comfort when she hasn’t eaten regularly throughout the day, her self-care needs have taken a backseat to everything else in her life, and she needs some care and nurturance herself!
*Lisa is a pseudonym and isn’t a real client although aspects of her story are based on many clients I’ve seen in my practice.
As you could see from the example, Lisa’s emotional eating was a source of information about some needs that could use her attention. If emotional eating is having a negative effect on your well-being, it’s worth investigating the connection between food and feelings in your life.
My Top 3 Tips for Getting Curious About Emotional Eating
Since emotional eating can many definitions and serve many purposes in someone’s life, trying to apply a simple “fix” to a complex issue is not going to be effective. It’s important to explore your own connection between food and feelings. If emotional eating is a source of information rather than a problem to be solved, it’s important to get curious about your emotional eating (without judgment).
Here are my top 3 tips for getting curious about your emotional eating:
Tip #1 Become a detective & spend a week making notes about food & your feelings. Consider this as an information-seeking mission to uncover “clues” about your emotional eating. The goal of this activity is for you to learn more about how often (and what) you’re eating, feelings and body sensations that you’re experiencing, how different foods make you feel, events/stressors/triggers, and so on. Jot notes down on paper or on your Notes app. At the end of the week look through your notes and see if you can identify any patterns in your day-to-day life related to food & feelings. In looking at your patterns, are there any triggers, behaviors, or needs that are evident to you?
Tip #2 Take an honest look at your self-care. Are you getting what you need for your overall health and well-being? If you’re not sure where you’re at, click here to access a helpful assessment tool from Therapist’s Aid. An assessment of your self-care can help you discover unmet needs that food might be filling for you.
Tip #3 Make a list of all of your current coping strategies. When you’re facing stress, overwhelm, and negative emotions what helps to soothe & comfort you (and why)? Remember, no judgment if food is your go-to, or only, coping strategy right now. Food can serve many roles in our lives; sometimes food can get you through some really tough times! It’s great to have a list of all the things, places, and people that support, soothe, and comfort you. In a way, you’re constructing a toolbox where different coping strategies are available for different situations and issues. Food can be one tool in your toolbox; however food may not always be the “right tool for the job” (so to speak!). An important part of this process is understanding what food does for you, what it can do for you, and what it can’t do for you.
I invite you to use these tips as a starting point to explore your personal connection between food and feelings. Emotional eating is one of many issues I work on with clients in my private practice. If I can help you on your journey toward healing your relationship with food, click on the button below to contact me for more information about my services.